I would like to tell you that after Maa passed away in front of my eyes, life changed immediately.
I hid from the world for a year out of grief. But in that time that I stayed hidden, I began to live again.
Maa left a hefty legacy. I intend to keep that legacy alive. She was a boisterous, tough as nails, hard working lady with lots of love in her heart and a very creative mind. I guess you can call me a chip of that old block.
No matter the hard times, I kept myself pretty sane and good humored in my own dark witty ways through the decades. I knew that that fire in my eyes, or as Su calls it the lioness eyes when I am hard at work or deep in thought was still very much alive. I knew now that even though there are pieces of me that will always be broken, irreversibly damaged…I was not a broken spirit. The health ailments were and are still damn bloody annoying but they are setbacks, not a life sentence. I am still alive and kicking, I have gone through so many adaptations of the term ‘living hell’, and yet, I was still standing.
During the years of drama, I adopted 2 cats who were my very first pets. I was never allowed pets when living with the folks. After my first miscarriage, I adopted my first dog. After the second miscarriage, I adopted 2 more. I needed the company and love that people could not provide, and I give these 5 cuties all my love & adoration right back everyday for bringing so much joy into my life. Oh it can get chaotic with 2 cats and 3 dogs…I love it 🙂 I guess being someone who has a larger than life personality, it is befitting to have a brood of 5 at home 🙂
My husband & I bought the flat that was previously my in-laws’ because they were living elsewhere. Finally, I had my very own home! I put my heart and soul into turning this place into a cosy haven for us to come back to. I smile to myself at the fantastic job accomplished everyday 🙂
We went on our first holiday after Maa’s demise in April last year. I was horrified with how unfit I had become, huffing & puffing when walking. So I created a gym of sorts at home – I bought a treadmill, elliptical machine, stepper, stationary bicycle, jump rope, dumbbells.
My journey with weight loss this time has been slow but positive. The biggest difference with this attempt is that I will not pressure myself to be thin. I have always been curvaceous, athletic yes but curvy as well. Also I am done with having boring exercise routines. I can now exercise from the comforts of my living room..so I can be as sweaty, yappy as I want to without feeling self conscious. I have my own awesome music playlist for working out (I LIVE for music) and I will have you know that I am a trained classical Indian dancer who can boogie to any kind of dance form. I love dancing, so somedays I work up a sweat simply by grooving to the beat.
I still have miles to go – my weight loss deadline is on my 33rd birthday (2014). My glandular fever at present has slowed me down and lets not get started with how naughty Ive been eating all that good food during the festive season.. :p
Along the way as I embarked on this new journey to loving my curves, I had another radical change of mind. I have always have a good fashion and style sense but I was not allowing myself to look good thus feel good by dressing well. I was under the mistaken impression for Years that I could only look good if I was a certain size.
I decided to get out of that frame of mind and began to purchase outfits that were not only in my size, but were complementary to my plus size but nevertheless hour glass shaped body. I began to post pictures of these new looks on my Facebook profile page and then on my Instagram account. The positive feedback was Amazing. It felt good to be able to look good at this size, making my lifelong struggle with body image a lot less arduous.
When I began to feel better about the way I looked despite my bigger size, I began to care for other aspects of myself as well. I began to watch the internal dialogue that would criticise my efforts, I began to enjoy eating but watch my portions thus not starving myself. The motivation to dress up spilled over to my workout efforts. I began to feel less bogged down by the reflection in the mirror and that nagging voice in my head.
I began to live. Not just keep barely afloat or simply survive. I began to live.
Today, I endeavour to bring my ideas & experiences to this blog and hopefully inspire others as I keep myself positive & inspired. I will always first and foremost be a writer. This is my second passion. Through this blog I am constantly working on losing weight at a healthy rate, loving & accepting all that I am, embracing my passion for personal style and my eye for design.
I needed to get my story out there and I do apologise for the long tale but I couldn’t curtail the bits that I thought women out there may relate to. I hope to get to know more kindred souls out there who are discovering themselves just as I am.
My long draggy stories can be found at http://www.svindigo.wordpress.com
These 3 posts are not the kind of posts that you will see on this blog. What you definitely Will be in for is a whole lot of dialogue about plus size style, different looks us curvy girls can pull off, self love, body image acceptance and all things fashion/design. I have always possessed a keen eye for the latter 🙂
See you on my journey, Im always happy to meet new faces so do drop a line when you come by this web space.
Now just as I have realised that my curves become Me, remember that your curves become You 🙂
All my love, Aarti Olivia