I have Always been extremely critical about my facial features.
“My forehead is too high..
My nose is too thick..
My eyelashes are short..
My eye rings are awful..
I have stubborn spots, crevices and pimple scars..
I can’t stand my birds’-nest crazy frizzy hair”
See what I mean?
Starting this blog, taking photos and doing write-ups however has begun to make me annoyed with my previous train of thought.
I truly believe that beauty is best revealed at a person’s natural state. Fresh faced from a shower or Grimy after a workout, that is you.
I don’t hide behind makeup, but I do feel the need to enhance what is already there. Some eye shadow wouldn’t hurt, or lipstick.
But what about learning to appreciate myself sans makeup? Looking at my flaws and past them, to see myself with clarity & appreciation.
All my life, I grimaced when called these three words regularly – sweet, nice, cute. Sugar is sweet. Kind words are nice. Babies are cute.
Am I not a pretty girl?
Don’t you see it?
Am I plain to look at or boring?
Am I….bad looking?
Such petty questions whose answers we give so much importance to!
Is it necessary to be what the world calls Pretty?
Alright lets define pretty :
– pleasing or attractive to the eye, as by delicacy or gracefulness
– pleasing to the eye, especially without grandeur
– pleasing to the mind or aesthetic taste
The one word that keeps popping up in my head as I read these definitions – subjectivity.
I think hating your face is just as bad or even worse than hating your body.
For most of my life I believed that if I had a better complexion, a nicer nose and no dark eye circles then life would be so much better. I wouldn’t need to cover my imperfections with makeup. I wouldn’t care for lighting, the right face profile or blotting out scars, spots, pimples with iPhone apps. Yep I’ve said it. I am guilty of fine-tuning my pictures. No, I don’t go crazy with the photo shopping but I do feel so very guilty about it.
It’s like pseudo plastic surgery if u think of it. Don’t like your cheeks – slim it!
Don’t fancy the pimple at your chin? Erase it.
But that’s not authentic.
That’s me in the picture, but does it translate to who I am when you see me in person?
I am not alone here.
There are So many girls, women out there who have no love for their appearance.
I have studied hard, made the grades and worked up the professional ladder. I have a decent personal style and I groom myself adequately.
But the Hate. oh the Hate.
The hubster always asks “Why can’t you see what I see?”.
Maybe it’s the years of being called the plain, dull looking offspring. Maybe it’s the years of watching the prettier girl friends get their way and sitting there wondering when the spotlight would shine on you. Maybe it’s the years of people passing sweet compliments when they meet groups of friends and have them rave on how good the other person looks, when You have made such an effort to look pleasing to the eye.
I know what you’re asking, Wow seriously..the girl has sure got insecurities.
That’s why I am letting them out in the open. To Stop The Internal Shaming.
To shame the insecurities instead.
So I am not going to edit my pictures by a single bit henceforth.
This is who I am. I am not hiding beneath layers of makeup.
I am Enough.
I intend to stop looking down on myself so that I can start living.
I don’t crave flattery.
I don’t want frenemies sucking my energy.
I don’t want to be stuck in this self fulfilling prophecy of self hate.
Lets bring a little bit of heaven to our mortal existence : have good times and spend it with good people who know better than to like or love you for the wrong reasons. You will commit no more schadenfreude, I refuse to allow it.
I hope that my honesty leads you to think about your own insecurities with regards to your face or shape or size. Your curves and imperfections become You 🙂
P.S : here’s your unmade-up, un-photo shopped blogger