Im a little overwhelmed right now, looking back at the inception of this idea and then the start of the blog on November 10.
I began this journey because I was tired of living like a 3rd class citizen of the world. Im a woman, a woman of colour and a big sized one at that. These three facts that ought to be celebrated are used against me.
As an Indian, I have traditions and culture slapped on my forehead to curb my gender’s voice. Traditions that were created by word of man, not God, that are outdated and sparsely relevant in the world today.
As a woman, I am already assumed to be the weaker sex. My biological system gives the other gender leverage over my eloquence – oh, it must be her time of the month. Im supposed to look like a million bucks so that men can objectify me but when I get raped, they will blame it on my dressing and the timings I keep. It is assumed that I will, at some point of my life, be less productive at work because I am required to get married and make babies.
As a plus sized girl (I know a lot of you hate that term but I really haven’t a clue as to what I ought to call myself. I’d like to say a different kind of normal, but would that even get into their thick heads?),
I am ‘apparently’ a girl who does not give a crap about what I eat, how inactive my lifestyle is and how pathetic my health is. I also apparently am an inconvenience to fashion designers and retails stores that do not wish to associate themselves with ‘uncool’ people (read: Abercrombie & Fitch) and use extra fabric to dress us. I don’t look pretty enough to be loved. I get blatant stares for carrying a perennial food baby, unkind remarks from strangers who feel it is their duty to educate me on how much of a bane I am to society’s celebrity air-brushed body shape aspirations. Some people point, others view with contempt and they all basically sit on their invisible Judge Judy chairs and view me, mere ugly mortal from below their noses.
Forget about the background this big sized person may come from, their ailments and issues. Forget about their attempts to be okay with who they are. Forget that they have feelings.
Bollocks. Utter Bollocks.
Bollocks to the sky and back.
Where was society when my aunt had the Gall to tell me to lose weight when I was at the airport waiting for my flight to go for the honeymoon, AFTER I had lost 20kg in a year?
Where was society when I miscarried two babies and stayed in bed for days on end, sitting in the dark and wishing I would just die of immense heartbreak?
That’s right. They were quiet.
So I took my life from these invisible hands of society’s ‘they’ and ‘them’ and placed them in my trembling ones and began this journey.
The last time I felt good about myself prior to the past 6 months? 10 years ago. I let myself go over the years. I had forgotten what it felt like to be self assured. I was surviving but not living.
The blog started on an extremely humble beginning. This wasn’t a world I knew of – fashion, fashion blogging, putting looks together – but I had always been involved in this world without my knowledge since I was a wee lass. Watching the women around me, reading what they read, listening in to their conversations about textures, patterns, styles. Watching them assemble a look from scratch, going from day to night, waking up bleary but looking like a million bucks with an hour’s preparation. It is an art, it is a discipline and dare I say..a soft science.
I gathered my strength to post my looks after looking at the many fashionistas out there who dared to strike a pose and own it. I read their tips, tricks and advice for newbies. I marvelled at the opulence and decadence, the street smartness and go-getter attitudes.
Let me be honest – I expected a total of maybe 5 people to view my blog..and
They’d probably be my close friends because they have always been supportive of my endeavours. I am so encouraged and touched by your (my followers) comments and attention to my humble web dwelling. I like getting to know each and every one of you, it brings me such joy. And you teach me so much in your own way/s.
Thank You. I am Humbled.
It’s still in it’s infancy, and I hope to do better, grow bigger, keep learning as I go along.
Eventhough it’s only been 6 months, the hubster was remarking on the changes he has observed about your blogger. According to him I carry myself better, am more exuberant, working round the clock thinking about the blog. I think my close buddies have seen some of these changes as well.
Frankly, I do feel a slight difference as well. I hold my head up a little higher, and I don’t hate the mirror as badly as I used to. The posts have helped me see myself in different ways, it’s been enlightening and So Fun.
Thank you for the love.
Onwards and Upwards.
I shall celebrate quietly with a good cup of coffee and a small pat on the shoulder, with a knowing smile to myself.
Til my next post,
love those curves that become you my darlings xxx