This is not a rant.
It’s just an insight into what my life as a plus sized lass is like.
Most of you are well aware that I made the decision last year to remain plus sized and not aspire to fit into a size 12 dress. My body has its limitations and injuries, this is not as if I am gorging myself to sleep every night. Im just going to lead a healthier lifestyle without worrying about the numbers on the scale like before.
The journey towards eventually liking the reflection in the mirror and my mind’s eye is a work in progress. The self loathing Is diminishing, and it is an evolving process that I am really proud of.
It isn’t a walk in the park though.
It isn’t nice to know that there are some people in your circle who take pleasure in knowing they aren’t ‘The Fat Chick’ in the group. I do know the surreptitious glances they make at my arms or belly or whatever they find displeasing..and I wonder what they are thinking about at those moments.
It isn’t nice to be treated like a second class citizen when I shop. But as a plus sized girl you develop a thick skin to such blatant displays of prejudice. Plus, I do have experience since I am a minority in my country of origin.
Loved ones think it kind to let you know that you’re not as big as the girl walking past you. I am horrified when they do this. It makes me wonder what they would see if I was a complete stranger walking their way. Some think it inclusive to complain about how Fat they feel. Im sorry but you cannot relate to Actually being plus sized. And that skin you’re pulling at your belly? That’s just skin, not even a food baby bump.
Being plus sized doesn’t make me ignorant of health and fitness. I was training to be a fitness trainer at one juncture of my life. I have been a boxer, runner, dancer, weight lifter and aerobics junkie. I know my interval training to my Pilates. I also know what food is utter garbage and what a super food is.
Whenever my weight hit a slump during one of the many yo-yo cycles, I wouldn’t take public transportation or be seen in public places unless in a small gathering or quiet day in town. I used to step out all dressed up, walk to the bus stop only to hurry back home in tears, hyperventilating.
I had panic attacks in crowded places because I was painfully conscious of my size. I covered my mirrors. I would bawl looking at my wardrobe because I had a hard time getting dressed for an outing. I would starve myself all day and only allow myself one light meal. I would workout to the point of passing out, vomiting or crying in exhaustion/pain.
But those days are gone.
Yes, there are glimmers of it once in a while – I feel uneasy if I do not feel fabulous in the clothes that I am wearing, because they have an impact on my confidence and thick-skinned ness. Sure, you might argue that feeling good by being fashionable sounds shallow. Not if it is part of your armour.
This doesn’t mean that I have to be dressed to the nines All The Time. That’s just tiring and unrealistic. It means that I like feeling comfortable in what I wear, be it my home yoga pants or skinny indigo jeans.
I have learnt so much since 2012..
I have picked up tips on how to best dress my plus size hourglass figure. Which is no mean feat because I have broad shoulders and hips but a smaller waist. The proportions look fetching but getting the right clothing fit is something I am still learning the ropes on.
I have learnt that caring for my health is not just about consuming supplements. It is about eating well, staying hydrated, getting enough sleep.
A mind body spirit connection makes a world of a difference. It also requires an investment of commitment. My beauty regime, nightly read, soak in the tub – they are the little pieces that matter to the bigger picture. They may seem minuscule and inconsequential, but each drop of water in the ocean counts doesn’t it?
My pet peeves at the moment is being told what looks good for my shape, style wise. So many people go by unwritten fashion rules, what they fail to understand is that these rules apply differently to each individual. They are not gospels that must be heeded to accuracy. I enjoy challenging my taste buds and discovering novel ways, debunking silly myths. I will always be the sort of person who moves forward with the times but uses common sense instead of following with blind faith.
I daresay that I am happier than quite a few ladies out there because I no longer worry about how much calories I am consuming. I stop when I am feeling full, that’s that. If I have a craving, I scratch a itch a while and be done with it. If I feel sedentary, I get out there for a walk outdoors. If I want to veg out, I veg out. That does not make me a couch potato. It makes me human.
So if you’re Not a plus sized girl and you’re reading this, I hope that this teaches you how to be supportive towards a girl like me. If you are a fellow full figured chick, I hope that this post will let you see that you have every right to feel fabulous and look fabulous, whichever end of the full figured spectrum you are situated at.
Have a great new week ahead
xxxo Aarti Olivia