So What?

Insomnia has rid me of my sleep tonight, sigh but that’s okay because it’s given me time to read up on my fav body positive blogs and plus size style blogs! I’ll remember to write a post up of a list of these blogs soon.

Lately, I have been thinking about the comments that my readers and friends have given that struck a chord with the Old Me – the Me before embracing body positivity.

I hear so many girls saying “Oh wow it’s so cool that you wore that skirt, I could never pull it off”

Or

“It looks so good on you but I don’t know if I am brave enough to pull that look together”

Ladies.
My favorite two phrases are “So What” and “Who Cares”, since I got onto the body positive bandwagon.
Want to know why?

Because it is nobody’s business to tell me what I can or cannot wear. Because it is not my problem anymore if a person chooses to hate on me or stare at me.

It would be a blatant lie if I said that I felt body fabulous All The Time. Of course I have my bad days. In fact, it has been kinda tough this year because since falling ill again and again, I have not had the energy or motivation to go for my walks and swimming has been banned for now because of my right ear troubles. Plus, you guys do remember that mopey post I wrote a while ago recounting All that’s gone downhill.

But no matter what, no matter how unwell or badly I feel .. I carry myself with pride. I dress up to challenge my old preconceived notions of how a fat girl (yes I said FAT – I have no problem with the word) should look.

This didn’t happen overnight. It didn’t happen in a week or even a month. It took me close to 3 years to get comfortable enough to carry myself with grace and poise, despite being my biggest size right now. I was a uk 22 when I chose to write this blog and over the years, I went down to a size 16 but not because I was starving myself or exercising excessively. I just wanted to be un-sedentary and in control of my health. Now when I say being in control of my health, that isn’t a euphemism for weight loss. It simply means that being how prone I am to illness, I took better care of what I ate. I still enjoyed my desserts, good portioned meals! But somewhere down the line, I got lazy again and now that I am so unwell..it has been hard. But I don’t want to smash mirrors like before or go into hiding.

No matter what, I come back every week with a fashion post For myself and my readers. Because I refuse to give in to the old thinking pattern of “Oh I’m flabby and I can’t possibly look good in anything stylish because everything stylish is catered towards the slimmer girls”. That’s utter bollocks.

That old Aarti? She’s gone. I am letting you in on a secret now. My middle name Olivia is something that I adopted before I started this blog. I did not make this decision for the blog, but for myself. I felt bogged down by the excess baggage Aarti carried, I was tired of being her.
And so I became Olivia, who extends an olive branch offering peace and solidarity…or something like that! :p

I don’t know if that sounds weird to you, but it makes complete sense to me. I felt better after including Olivia in the mix and dare I now call her my better half – my fabulous alter ego. Who sizzles in front of the camera lens, who strides through crowds knowing that she looks fabulous, who is carving out a name for herself, who has made so many lasting and important friendships through this endeavour.

Aarti would have cowered.
On some occasions, she wins and I battle with my old demons. But not for long. Olivia takes over and kicks my butt. She reminds me that I started this and I have an obligation to Myself and now to others to keep going strong. She reminds me that depression, health ailments are not the end of the world for me. I have much to give and much to get done.

So I keep going strong.

The next time someone tells you that wearing a camisole is not classy for a plus sized girl, say “So What?”

The next time a friend says “Your dress is attracting too much attention because you’re wearing a shorter than usual dress”, say, “Who cares?”

The next important question I always ask is “Do these people matter?”

Really, do they actually have a say in your life? Do they walk a mile in your shoes everyday, lending a hand to your burdens? If the hateful comments come from family and friends, remember that at the end of the day it is not their life they are trying to control, it is yours. You do not relinquish control of your life and lifestyle to anybody else. Not even your mother, Not even your spouse, Not even your best friend. You don’t have to explain anything to anyone. And it doesn’t matter if they’re trying to be kind about it or unkind. Prejudice is Prejudice, be it blatant or subtle.

Why do people hate on others with such vehemence?

Because we provide them with a different reflection of how a body should look like, which is so unlike their body image myopia and distorted healthy lifestyle views, and they loathe us for it.

Now tell me something..
Do you think Everybody feels comfortable in their skin all the time?
You know the answer to that question.

So tell me now..
What will happen if you take a leap and try on something new or different? Will you suddenly have a crowd of people around you screaming “Booooo! Ewww look at that!” or is that the voice in your head that has been conditioned by society? No. You’ll either love the look, feel neutral about it or dislike it. A look not befitting is not the end of your world.
It’s just not your cup of tea. But do me a favour, try it first before hiding behind old excuses.

You’ve got to check whose voice is really talking when you hear the critic in your head.

I am just being really candid here, it’s been stirring in my head for a long time and You may or may not like this but I wanted to put this out there.

Sending you all my love,
Aarti Olivia Dubey

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10 thoughts on “So What?

  1. hello
    I first want to say I am glad you got a reality check. yes i couldnt of said it any nicer. you are stunning remember that, always remember that if you have to get up and look in the mirror look and make sure you say nice things about you. if not dont go near it. harsh but yes someone has to tell you not what you cant do but what you need to do !!!! life is what you make it so make it revolve around your beauty when the times call for it. Yes you are very correct in all you said. I think as woman in general we fight with ourselves on things. I think in the long run its better to just be aware of our ever so changing world and just try to do things fun and healthy, Im sorry im not on the losing 10 dress sizes bandwagon or even starving myself, though I dont eat as it is. I do yoga i dance I run around. not because im getting ready for the summer, I already did my swimsuit is in the mail. I think woman get mad because one doesnt jump on this and that and stick with it. I always thought of myself as certain things but when it comes to the public oh you cant tell me nothing. at all. I am cute oh yeah seriously i know that tell me something I do not know. tell me how smart I am cus I have a boyfriend who tells me how beautiful I am. again woman frown that we are happy. I dont get it. I really dont, and omg another thing if you are a size 8
    ( I am speaking US sizing here) its okay you are not my size 16 and you will not die. Its sad to hear family just complain about they cant fit this they cant do that they gotta go to the gym. I have to go to yoga and then eat a slice of cheesecake afterwards. because you know why? I can. Body positive, live positive, mind positive. It starts with you, you have a talk with yourself and explain that its okay to feel sad and stuff but give a great reason why. not what others say. i am the queen of sheer shirts, mini dresses , crop tops and two pieces. just buy your size and shine. great post and thank you for allowing me to ramble.

  2. Excellent post! I have become really strict with myself about making negative remarks about other people’s clothing choices or bodies regardless of if they are bigger or smaller than my personal taste. It’s been a really positive change for me.

    1. thank you!
      I ceased doing that over the past 2 years, unless I am really upset with a person or group of people – then my conscience flies outta the window! I cannot agree more, its been a very positive move for me as well. Also, I have close friends of All shapes and sizes so listening to their personal struggles with body images helps put things into perspective for me. It reminds me that plus sized girls are not the Only girls that get hated on. Plus, I wasn’t at my current size until 2 years ago so I do know what some of their struggles are as well.

  3. Hi Olivia, awesome post. I’ve been a fan of your blog for a while (found your blog through another one I read) and I just created an account so I can have a place to write my thoughts too. You are an inspiration! I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for the better part of my life and your posts always bring me comfort! Keep up the great work!

    1. Hello! Thank you so much, it means so
      much to get feedback from my readers..helps me figure out if Im going on the right path with the blog. I think it’s awesome that you’ve created a webspace of your own, don’t be afraid to tell your story and air your opinions. I hope that you are in a better place with managing the disorder, please feel free to drop me a comment or an email if you ever feel like you need a shoulder to lean on. My readers are my extended family, you guys mean a lot to me. Again, thank you so much for the love!

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