Fat Feminism started way before body positivity did. It was on the haunches of the former that body positivity was created. It was not about being fashionable, it was not about being popular or acquiring a big following. It was about an intersection with feminism, an identity that has been derided.
And for what, for being a size you consider unhealthy? No other size is considered the hallmark of laziness and sloth. No other size is instantly given the stamp of diabetes, heart diseases and an early death. But All sizes have complications, all sizes have hidden addictions and health problems.
I don’t see the need to justify my body for the backlash that is received. That would be an unending war of words and a waste of my energy. Just like it has been through this Instagram debacle.
I said what I said to Instagram out of sheer exasperation over how my friends and I are given unfair treatment on social media. We are not the only intersection to be targeted, but in terms of size, we’re the first to get hate.
While I am immensely grateful for the many publications that have reached out to hear my side of the story…this incident was nothing. NOTHING in comparison to the amount of hate people receive everyday. For being fat, for being vocal, for being LGBT, as a person of colour, for calling out discrimination and privileges..for being angry because their existence has been diminished or disregarded.
As I type this out, I am coughing my lungs out and recovering from an anxiety attack. The hubs was on leave for 2 weeks and the entire time consisted of answering interview questions, ignoring the backlash and trying to have regular days but failing to do so.
I feel it is pertinent for my readers to know that despite the strength and compassion with which many of us Fat Feminist exist, the work we do has a downside. We fall into spells of sadness and disillusionment. We pick ourselves back up only to get stones thrown at us for merely existing. There are not that many safe spaces for us.
When I read about what happened in Orlando, my heart broke. And it constantly breaks because of the atrocities and inhumanity around the world. Syrian refugees. the Dalits of India. Fear mongering and violence across borders. Negativity that sells in the media. Twofaced people and their walking contradictions. The hate towards same sex relationships in Singapore. Capital punishment in Singapore. The mistreatment of women in India and the rest of South Asia. Ridiculous standards of beauty. Unfair double standards.
While the prime focus of this blog is towards my journey and personal growth as a fashionable plus size woman of colour, there are causes so important to me and matters so close to my heart that I speak of on mediums like Facebook or Instagram. But even then, what we say is moderated – even if it is said as a plea for positive change..while the unreasonably racist sexist homophobic fat-hating gun toting hate-spreading idiots are still allowed to spread their ignorance.
I don’t know how to ignore the amount of bs that gets posted or talked about. I don’t know how to remain silent. I don’t know how to be a citizen of the world without caring. No matter how poorly I feel, I will never stop questioning the unreasonable state of the world. Being a Fat Feminist is simply one intersection of my whole identity. Mixed with my intersection of colour, womanhood and lgbt ally, it Demands change.
Just like people like me cannot and will not be silenced, neither will voices that need to be appreciated and respected for breaking traditions and barriers. For my friends who feel like I do right now about the state of things, please know that I am with you. Standing in solidarity and power. And we will never let them silence us.
Despite struggling with personal demons, I always have positivity and hope and hold on to resilience. And for what remains of humanity and kindness. And I remind myself of how I have risen after previous stumbles. I hope you remember that for when you feel the way I do at this moment.