A follow-up post.
Firstly, I have to thank you, dear readers. For sharing your stories after my previous post, for being so lovely and encouraging. For telling me to take my break even though I will be missed. Your words means so much to me.
Now, allow me to clear some things up that perhaps brought about some confusion:
When I say I am underrepresented, I mean that I feel the pinch of not being acknowledged in my own country and the region.
This isn’t about securing a few deals with big plus size fashion retail companies in the States or other countries in the West. This is about my sadness from being blatantly looked over because I am a fat woman of colour in my region. It saddens me that the fat phobia here is so strong that they would not look at me, a blogger, among the many fashion bloggers, because I do not represent their norm.
As sad as it is that some retail companies in the West will not ship to Asia, even stores in Australia – that is just a small part of the problem.
The problem is far deeper and less personal than being able to access more amazing plus size clothing or having to wait forever for shipping. No, that is not a big deal at all. And I am very grateful that I even have the opportunities that I have right now because of my location. Companies like ASOS aside, Indie companies & small businesses give me life!
When I say I don’t have a PR rep to help me, It means I don’t have someone who can help me with prioritising my time and helping me with reaching my potential.
I’m still learning, like the rest of you. This is something I have to do on my own and I am well aware of it. That does not pose as a problem. I only have two pairs of hands though, and somedays it feels like I can’t get off my HP or laptop and I wish I had someone to help me. But that’s okay, that’s not as big of a deal for me to be honest.
Comparison is the thief of Joy. This is why I do not partake in it.
Girl, if I was to compare myself to the bigwigs out there, I’d be Miserable! This is not about comparing myself to the more established bloggers. This is about finding my own place and being my own competition. The only person I compete with and challenge, is Myself. That’s how I will always roll. What upsets me is feeling invisible or shunned in Singapore and the rest of Asia.
This disillusionment stems from how flaky and unpredictable relationships can be in the industry and other communities.
It can be so confusing.
One minute you’re appreciating each other’s work and being friendly and Another minute they stop talking to you as if you did something wrong. I will never get that. I am the way that I am. I’m not saying everyone is like this..but it Does happen and the whole follow/unfollow or speak/ignore bit can get really confusing. Sometimes it feels like merely existing and churning out posts has some people disliking you, which is absolutely weird!
For most parts, I find myself blessed working with people who do no such nonsense and who are inspiring to work with.
Finances are tight. But I’m not going bankrupt over this.
I did talk about struggling with finances. Let me just say that I do not spend $1000 a month just for clothes, it’s not like that. I shop with a specific Budget but bear in mind that clothing aside, bloggers do have to fork out money for accessories, shoes, makeup and other blog-related stuff. I’m not broke. I just wish I didn’t have to keep buying stuff for the blog when I could be buying stuff for the home that isn’t disposable because let’s face it most of fashion & trends are disposable whether we like to admit it or not.
Honesty can rub people off the wrong way. It can also do pretty amazing things.
I know some people wonder why on earth I’m so transparent. I spent so much of my life hiding and not telling people what was really going on. I stopped doing so at 30. It is time to be open, transparent and accountable.
I don’t Hate blogging. It’s the reverse.
All those frustrations you read about me feeling limited? It’s because I enjoy this and want to improve upon it. When you’re stuck between a rock and hard place though, it’s tough. But that’s something I will have to work my way around next year.
Activism and Blogging has its Shadow Side.
Just like anything we do, any line of work we are involved in, it has its pitfalls. You struggle with compassionate fatigue at times. Sometimes it’s managing your schedule or getting shit done at a specific time. Sometimes it’s being unwell or wanting to rest but you’re fending off trolls, deleting comments and blocking accounts for half a day.
It’s Not all Doom & Gloom.
This break, is a good thing. It will give me the time to not look at my phone or laptop, trying to reply to hundreds of emails. I will get some respite from social media. None of these things I hate. I am emotionally exhausted this year and it makes blogging & activism that much harder. I need to heal.
Alright that’s out of the way!
I’ll be coming up with a fashion post soon, can’t believe it’s almost 2 weeks to the hiatus. Like I told you, I will not be completely MIA. There will be posts here and there, just not at the same frequency. So I’ll see you soon 😉 Much Love 💛